Monday, May 15, 2017

Being complicated

I know how bad it feels when someone rejects you. I just felt that yesterday.  But I know that we are so different and if we decided to live together there will be lot of conflicts and fights which I dont want in my life. So I have told you several times that this is not going to work. But you dont understand or you dont want to understand what I am saying. I know i might be sad for my loneliness for the rest of my life. But I do know that being with you is a definite sad and waste of my energy to fight. I am realy fedup fighting so I would rather be alone than living with you and fight.
As we are from different planets your language is greek to me and I know you feel the same. So we do not have to live together. Now I am in a situation that I am so fedup of rejecting you and that is NO FUN at all. I know how bad you feel because I have felt the same way when I realy want to be with someone and pathetically I cant. But what to do??? We have to live with that. I am realy fedup pushing you away. I clearly told you, you can be with someone who is more humble, caring  and sensitive. I love you and care for you so it hurts me when I hurt you. So please understand (but I know you dont hv the patience to read this and you realy dnt care what I am saying) this leads to no good. You might think that I am rejecting you because of my sickness. But the reality is I dnt explain myself to anybody. And I hate the fact that you are a liar. Big or a small lie is a lie. Either you understand this or leave it as it is.

At age of 27 I know I am incapable of finding love. My only option is going for a proposal. but now I am afraid of doing that cz I might have to explain myself to that person for the rest of my life. So now I am setting up my mind to live rest of my life alone and  do what I want. At the same time I know what I am missing. Do the things I want to do with a companion must be fun. But what can I do if I can not relate to anybody around me.

Once a wise man told me not to settle with anything I dnt like. So I would rather live my life as it is than getting married to a person I realy do not know.